My parents, Hugh Butler and Margaret Waring, knew each other for around 12 years before the idea of marriage was raised. I don’t recall being told how they met, but they were about 27 years old when they did, so potentially around 1948 – a few years after the end of World War 2.
What followed was a period of time where Mum worked for London County Council (in the building now known as County Hall, on the south bank of the Thames), living with boarders in her old parental home in South Park Crescent, Lewisham, while Dad travelled the world, working for different government departments in the various countries he went to – Fiji, Iran, Canada, Australia.
Mum always said he was the only one who could keep her interested, and when he was back in London, ‘it was on’. And by that I mean they’d go out for the evening – usually to the movies, usually to see a Western, as Westerns were Dad’s favourites. Poor Mum! But she always enjoyed a walk through St James’s Park after the movie and the time they spent on a bench together. (She never did tell me exactly what happened on the bench, but knowing Mum, I suspect it was mostly a catch-up chat!)
One time Dad came back to London and said, ‘We’re not seeing a Western tonight – there’s a new movie out I want to see.’ Mum was so excited, thinking they might be going to see a musical. Alas, no. He’d lined up ‘Scott of the Antarctic’ for her … 😀
Anyway, Dad moved to Canada around April 1958, after having worked in Iran for a while. While in Canada, he worked for the Canadian Pacific Railway Company, and somewhere around July or August 1959, he wrote to Mum saying:
I’m fat, free and nearly 40. Will you have me?
If the answer is ‘yes’, please let me know and I’ll send money for the rings.
Unfortunately, Mum never kept the letter (I have no idea why not), but he mentioned coming back so that they could get married pretty soon after. Dad was very practical like that. Then he added something along the lines of:
And by the way, if we do get married, we’ll have to live in Australia. I can’t settle back in England.
Poor Mum – what a decision to make! She always said that the last time she’d heard from him he was 35 and engaged to a 21-year-old, then she gets a proposal like that out of the blue!
Long story short (and I’m guessing that you’ve already guessed where it went 😉 ), she did say ‘Yes’ after consulting with her sisters, one of whom wisely said, ‘He’s the only one you’ve ever cared about. Do it. You can always get divorced and come home if it doesn’t work out.’
While that thought (divorce) horrified Mum a bit, she also realised it was a practical escape route, should she need it. And better to try than to spend the rest of her life wondering. So …
Dad sent the money, Mum went shopping for rings with her sister, and he arrived back in London so they could marry on 24 October 1959. They honeymooned for a week in London, then he flew out to Australia to begin looking for a home. Over the following few months, Mum sold her parents’ home, settled up with her sisters, and boarded a ship bound for Sydney, arriving in May, 1960. So they’d been married for 6 months but had spent only a week together – lots of time to make up for!
Luckily for both, no divorce was required. But seriously – a proposal like that? ‘I’m fat, free and nearly 40. Will you have me?’ Way to test someone’s commitment, Dad! 😀
Mum and Dad,
Margaret Ellen (Waring) Butler and Hugh McArdle Butler,
celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary in 1984.
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