Further to my last two blog posts on how not to propose, I thought it might be interesting to share how ‘conventional’ proposals worked back in the day when society anticipated that most of us would marry and create families of our own.
As you know, my parents’ proposal story wasn’t exactly conventional, nor was my own, but Wayne’s father clearly did what was expected – in 1936.
Unfortunately, we don’t have the original ‘little note’ Keith wrote to his potential in-laws, Peter and Eleanor (nee Smith) Buckley, but we do have Peter’s handwritten reply, which reads [typed mostly as written]:
Mr & Mrs P Buckley
Woorandara
Booligal
July 8th 1936
Dear Keith
Received your little note asking us for Madge, well Keith we have had our eyes open, & watch for both & we know you are both very fond of each other & should be very happy together & while we are alive we will do our best for you both, to bring happiness to you, Yes Son. We will give Madge over to you, in the great hope you will always & at all times put her first before anybody, as a proper love match should be. We know you will do this, & we wish you both a long life together & a very happy one, & heaps & heaps of good luck & good health. God bless you both & never forget to pray for help & health & you will get it, heaps of love to you both
Mam & Dad
Unfortunately, we never knew about this letter until Keith passed, so we don’t know if he proposed to Madge first, or if he asked her parents and then proposed. But they were married 18 months later on Christmas Eve, 1938 at St Jude’s Church, Randwick, NSW, and the marriage lasted for 35 years until Madge sadly passed away from a sudden heart attack on 30 December 1973. (This left Keith devastated, but he picked himself up, dusted himself off, and learnt to cook and take care of himself, which he did for the next 30 years.)
What I do find interesting is that Peter signs the letter from ‘Mam & Dad’ – so Keith most likely was already calling them that prior to the marriage. ‘Mam’ is also a northern British term – Peter and Eleanor came from Manchester, hence ‘Mam’ and not ‘Mum’.
The other thing I find interesting is the thought of the parents ‘giving’ their daughter – that almost made my stomach churn! But that’s how it was in those days. Not that I could ever imagine Keith ‘taking possession of’ or ‘owning’ Madge – he never spoke of women in that way in the 20-plus years I knew him. And Peter did put conditions on it – that Keith always put Madge first, etc!
The beauty of this letter is that Peter and Eleanor seemed to approve of the match. Aside from the little warning there that Keith put Madge first, they’re wishing the couple all the best, with love and happiness. So that’s a nice feeling we get from the letter and gives us a written clue as to how the four got along. (Keith always spoke fondly of his in-laws, so it was nice to find evidence that they felt fondly of him, too.)
Of course, proposing today is a whole other kettle of fish. It can happen in many ways – privately, quietly, publicly, in happiness, with and without the fear of rejection. But the one way it should happen is with authenticity, with love, and with that special feeling that a life together will be better than a life apart.
Letter dated 8 July 1936 from Peter Buckley to Keith Mosher,
regarding Keith’s wish to marry Peter’s daughter, Marjorie (aka Madge).
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